INTRODUCTION:

I AM NOT ordained. I have NO advanced religious degree. I have done a great bit of "lay pastor" work. DO NOT take any of my thoughts, words or encouragement as "Gospel". It is possible that I do at times profess the Gospel accurately but that would have be by God's doing. I do have many friends and family who are ordained and I do consult them as often as I see necessary!

IFF (scientific notation meaning "if and ONLY if") there is a bit of praiseworthy aspects to me...It is HE in me.

NOW...Overture, hit the lights, this is it, the night of heights & oh what heights we'll hit, On with the show. This is it!

(looney toons theme)

______________________________

Ockham's Razor....NO, Not Gillette's last innovation, quite old in fact.  Most often encountered in my life and experience relative to the hereafter– e.g. is there a heaven or even a hereafter of ANY sort...most simplified "Does God exist??"

Typically: do y0u believe in another life or life beyond this realm? Arguement, If I believe it does and He does and I'm wrong....oh well, "wasted" hope and thought i suppose,

...BUT If I choose NOT to believe it or He doesn't...well, then YOU may be MIGHTILY SCREWED!!

Ockham would say, in other worlds, using the least amount of variables, simplify the issue to the point where you're left with only one LOGICAL choice no matter your beliefs.

This is NOT LIVING as God would desire us to live. THAT is hedging one's bet. Sure fine in Vegas (uh-hum...Sin City lol.)

God asks that we live in Faith, Hope, Love and Confidence ABSOLUTE BELIEF in Faith. As a matter of fact, there are a number of comments, particularly in the book of Revelation from St. John, about churches and people living this way– paraphrased "you are neither hot nor cold"...you are bland and without ANY flavor, I spit you out of my mouth...e,g.  TAKE SOME STAND...Geez!

By dictionary reference:

In philosophy, Ockham's razor (Ocham's razor; Latin: novacula Occami)is the problem-solving principle that recommends  

searching for explanations constructed with the smallest possible set of elements. It is also known as the principle of parsimony or the law of parsimony. Attributed to William of Ockham, a 14th-century English philosopher and theologian, it is frequently cited as Entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem, which translates as "Entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity",^[1][2] although Occam never used these exact words.Popularly, the principle is sometimes inaccurately^[3] paraphrased as "The simplest explanation is usually the best one."^[4]

This philosophical razor advocates that when presented with competing hypotheses about the same prediction, one shoulspeech to

spritten wordd prefer the one that requires the fewest assumptions^[3] and that this is not meant to be a way of choosing between hypotheses thatmake different predictions. Similarly, in science, Occam's razor is used as an abductive heuristic in the development of theoretical models rather than as a rigorous arbiter between candidate models

I'm thinking God wouldn't be a fan of rice cakes; i liken them to cardboard cakes...Mmmmmm! "Oh ye of little"... flavor. Bleech!

If you've read any of my blogs, you know that I am an ABSOLUTE believer in the hereafter. Why you may ask and again I will reply "He is  creator", he tells as He has prepared a room for believers, why would he lie?  As best my reading tells me He is no fan of wasted effort...to design planned obsolesence or degredation and failure seems an anathema. it seems to me he builds creation to persevere as He desires. (REFER BACK to my "You must be this crazy to ride this ride" post.

God's way is decidedly not the "easy way"...biblically-ish, it would be easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle that to strictly adhere to God's dictates to achieve heaven.

No, its not easy but then again almost everything truly worth pursuing isn't east 

What will today bring? I have no idea. I'm sure it will encounter some discovery, awe and some learning opportunity that seems like a pretty awesome thing.  Well today you may encounter some hardship, some possible very very hardships yes it may but that doesn't mean that we have to view it as hardship perhaps it's a learning opportunity that God is allowing us to have.

Open heart and eyes folks! I've heard people say God hates me. He does nothing that adds benefit to my life or promise or hope...NOTHING. That is your human perspective. We have no idea (nor could we) on what God's intention are. Why did my brother die at 44?

I do not know; I will one day I'm guessing and I guarantee you it's purposeful for God. We were not promised a life of ease, of continuous joy, of no problems and actually how lousy that would be if it was the case because my greatest learning opportunities have been in some of awful stressful times.

I love all of you all who are reading this because one :you're reading it; two because you are a fellow human on this journey with me for my thinking Occam's razor makes as much sense as believing the Earth is flat. There's all kinds of proof to contrary and I have very ever rarely had the easiest way be the best way for something to happen not only that I've never done anything with the intention of doing it good enough. To me "Good enough" is a mortal enemy of best. I try to do my best because that's the talent God gave me and instilled in my soul.

written by MGFreeman, March 31, 2023

Announced and posted on April 6, 2023

Dedicated to my darling Leslie Lynn Ogle, my Godsend and Soulmate. 

Call me an opptimist, call me sadly mistaken— truthfully I am absolute in my heartfelt designed spiritual vision. NOTHING YOU COULD SAY will change my mind. I DO NOT attempt to try and convince you I’m right or change your outlook. I paint a picture with words here simply.

I ONLY share tidbits from my journey and in my opinion (IMO) vast learning experiences. I know I have expressed some parts of my vision already. Here is another chapter and perhaps a focusing and refinement of my mind’s eye view.

I have had experience with death many many times in my life both times when my living was in peril and witnessing other’s lives end or discovering their remains… IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. UNAVOIDABLE…FACT: IT WILL HAPPEN. More certain than taxes!

IT WHAT? To many it is DEATH! Death?? YES..DEATH—meaning??? “a lifeform’s ceasing to exist as defined by accepted affirmation by both medical and legal standards” That an ominous “He’s Dead, Jim” moment.

WHEN I SAY “IT” I MEAN SOMETHING AWEING AND AMAZING— BEYOND actually my ability to perceive SHARPLY in vision (because I am a creation with a limited human brain) but I believe I feel the presence of an absolute Godly concept.

DEAD? CAPUTE…GAME OVER MAN!  I DON’T BUY IT…FINITE??? To me without reason or creativity. SORRY but I feel your God is too small! 

SO….again IN MY OPINION…what we CAN perceive as loss, an ‘end” I BELIEVE to be ACTUALLY our witnessing their transition from HERE to THERE. A birth actually. Does anyone mourn a birth??

The closing of a door and the subsequent appearance or unveiling or maybe that wild vortex ride through dimensions as one sees depicted in movies….to WHAT’S NEXT.  

(In all honesty, I love roller coaster rides BUT all that water slide looking dimensional tunnel stuff is almost certain to leave me puking my guts out upon “landing”. Not my preferred introduction I think. Silly human. You ain’t got no more legs Lt. Dan!

What will that be like— knowing this chapter is closing, prayerfully in my sleep and what a surprise waking up will be, right?

But if I am conscious…the light of this existence here dimming…AND??

.

_____

Admittedly at one time I believed that it was THE END— I would no longer exist and it scared the living hell out of me..but I was young. My knowledge and exploration into science, spirituality and the theoretical was growing and mind expanding and again, by Oliver Wendel Holmes…”A mind stretched by a new idea never returns to its previous shape”. It has been surely been an interesting journey.

In my recollection and sincere gratitude, my blessings far outweigh my deserving— Thank you my creator.

_____

In a Randy Alcorn book a character passes on and in heaven is talking with an angel and inquires “I thought the Bible said (roughly) ‘for now we see through a glass dimly but then we shall see clearly’…” but I still have so many questions. 

In reply he was told “You are a CREATION, you are made in His image though you never achieve omniscience. You are only growing still and shall for all eternity. If God were to instantly provide you the entirety of His knowledge— you would explode. You are NOT capable and in truth never will achieve all His cumulative knowledge— YOU ARE A CREATION.”

That makes total sense to me and leads me to the thought that God joyfully anticipates the sheer awe and eternal discovery we shall continue to experience — BUT at an amplified level. I’m pretty sure His amplifier goes up to 11 to the “nth” power.

Applying my human experience and filter, I “see” that as a father who thrills at his child’s shock, awe and wonder. I know applying “human” attributes to God’s being cannot compare but it’s all I got folks.

If you’ve read any of my past blogs you know that I encounter “God winks” and spiritual happenings with some frequency.

Last night for the second time, my unconditionally loving mother Wilma Catherine Baker Freeman and my mother by adoption and marriage, the lovely and talented Ms. Harvey Wanette Eisenhower Ogle Bolen visited me. 

The first time was in a dream where Leslie and I had gone to the beach. Leslie had gone for an exercise stroll down the beach and low and behold I saw two women that looked like my mothers walking by…then they turned and came to me asking “Hello my son…Where’s Leslie?” I replied that she had gone for a walk and that if they kept walking the same direction they were sure to run into her.

They said darn near in unison, “well good seeing you, we love you. We’ll be talking more soon.” and off they went.

Strange, very casual, as if this was a weekly occurrence running into each other here, though they both have moved on some time ago. Actually, it was so loving and warm and unsurprising to them—somehow “expected— that it left me feeling happy.

_____

Last night the two visited me again. From my bedside and oh so gently so as not to awaken Leslie or Jack, they jostled me and motioned for me to follow them, “we need to talk they whispered”. So like sneaky slumber party kids we snuck downstairs. We were about to sit in the living room, when my mother said— “Oh Wannie— you know what i’d dearly love is a cigarette— let’s start outside and share one” and so we turned to our restarea to chat.

My mother commented “I know it is foolish and absurd but of course smokes don’t exist in “The Next” and since we’ve taken this form to talk with you…I just had to.”

Of course, I had to ask “taken this form?” and was told that this makes it familiar to my human brain and actually was a “must” in seeing me since my inquiring little brain would have question after question about what we are now. And frankly you really can’t understand it from your current perspective as a human”… okay okay I get it.

And my mother continued “Besides our visit is about WHAT we need to talk with you about not try to explain The Next”, as they referred to it, again.

They closed ranks on me outside pulling up the chairs together till we were sitting in a triangle and both reached out and grabbed one of my hands lovingly like…well, my mothers.

I was gently told that this part of my timeline was about to change dramatically and I knew immediately their meaning. 

Just 6 hours earlier, I’d been informed that this growth on my neck was absolutely cancer— had 9 new flesh biopsies and 3 needle biopsies taken and made an appointment for 1 week to follow-up with PET scans and other labs having been run to determine SPECIFICALLY what type of cancer and discuss the options from there. But yes, the doctor was absolutely certain this was a cancerous growth on my right tonsil that had spread to my vocal chords and it might be “just bad” or “very very bad.

Just bad meant some attribution to HPV virus and would require chemo or radiation OR both of course. HPV caused mouth cancers respond very well to chemo/radiation cocktail and it should shrink and go away.

Really really bad meaning it was a bigger deeper mass once they had gotten into the surgical removal of the mass— with the potential for a relatively large portion of deep mouth, tonsil, event potentially neck musculature and maybe vocal chord removed.

We had talked, I’d told him I was a doctor’s kid with vast knowledge of medicine and procedures through my affiliation with UT Medical Center…yada yada and a request that he just lay it on the line and be forthright. 

He was doing exactly as I asked. It is possible that the surgery could be disfiguring and I might have to have one of those electronic vocal synthesizers to speak through a stoma, EGAD. As yet “To be determined”. One week would reveal it all.

I told them of all this and they said “we know son— and one week from now you are going to learn that this the beginning of the preparation for The Next.” They hugged me and told me it was gonna be alright— “actually amazing, you’ll see” and I knew it would be…a new adventure awaits

Then momma Wannie pulled me closer and said that their real deep concern was for my loving wife. That thought was immediate to my mind and concern as well…”Dear God, how am i going to tell Leslie?” 

She has also been through some harrowing experiences in her life and because of those her pathology was one of fretting, excessive over-thinking, deeply disturbing worry and a sense of “really? REALLY? WTF? REALLY GOD???” I likened it to a bit of a Piglet/Chicken Little “the sky is falling, just like I expected it to? I just knew it” expectations.

She had experienced trauma in the form of her father dying, a dog attack to her face, scoliosis, her husband Fuzzy passing away, Jack being attached….yada yada— I felt like I was just going to be heaping on to her continued trauma.

Wannie said “Mark, Mr. Marion ( Laura calls me) you are going to need help, you need Laura to come down so Leslie can be told with her sister by her. I know you will be there but this is going to require Laura’s help son, You KNOW how this is going to hit her— she’ll probably be shocked, crying then get mad, then isolate refusing to discuss this with you— SHE WILL NEED LAURA to help her process. Get her down here— even if you have to pay for it. I know you dearly love Leslie and want what is best for her— SHE WILL NEED LAURA honey!”

My mother nodding knowingly, clearly having discussed this thoroughly with Wannie— I KNEW IT TOO!

Laura was “maybe” coming down soon, I really need my sister! I REALLY  NEED YOU LAURA! LESLIE NEEDS YOU.

The nagging question still at the forefront of my mind was HOW DO I TELL LESLIE??? God, give me the wisdom, loving words and ability to impart to her Your Peace in these coming times. 

My mother leaned in closer to me and said “by the way, your thoughts on what The Next will be like are surprisingly true in the theoretical sense— as best the human mind can imagine perhaps. There is a great deal of “heavenly” pride in your ability to sense, perceive and communicate loving hopes to others. I’ve been told to tell you ‘Well done, good and faithful servant’.” 

A Cheshire smile grew across my face— I’d wanted for my time on Earth to have been productive, fruitful and empowering,,,a reflection of whom I felt I was created to be. I’d SO WANTED TO BE TOLD EXACTLY THAT.

Thinking back to my doctor’s appointment earlier, Doc had said so you put on your history that you’d smoked tobacco and weed for the better part of 38 years? I said yes and he replied “Well that was stupid.” I followed with “Yeah really who would have thought that 38 years of smoking would have a cumulative impact on me? He shook his head and grinned…”Um, pretty much everyone.”

He added though that I could belay the guilt and personal loathing of my foolishness in that “this cancerous lesion is almost certainly NOT from my years smoking actually.”  HPV or infection or??? Again, one little week will tell the tale.

SO….I have cancer. Type? TBD  Prognosis? TBD  Impact on Leslie? TBD… BUT I’M AT PERSONAL PEACE GRATEFULLY!

I do not know what is ahead but I cannot and WILL NOT consider that all my life experience and knowledge or at least unique perspective on my journey will be in vain and END! POOF! That would be the exact opposite of being creative. Not my God.

Like Hawking radiation relative to a Black Hole— information created NEVER CEASES TO EXIST… even when consumed by a black hole, seeping Hawking radiation from the edge of the event horizon accounts for the continuing existence of that information. So while a black hole might gravitationally swallow light and matter…It cannot delete or end information. What I might call the Cosmic collective — which might be our next domain even. Who knows— Well, what human knows?

I may only be a creation BUT my unique perspective through the many and various talents provided by God allow me an individual accumulation of that information— to think that my Creator would simply “snuff out” or discard the energy that He created in me is non-sensical and preposterous. Destructor vs. Creator?? Creator—I FULLY BELIEVE IN “THE NEXT”.

I pray that these words have added something to your thoughts and being. You are loved…I LOVE YOU. Moreover, the depth to which you are cherished and loved is beyond your wildest hopes or imagining. REJOICE!!!

As Jimmy Buffett says at the beginning “Banana Wind” one of his instrumentals on the album of the same name…”see you at the end!”  INDEED! 

Tah Tah for Now…TTFN! More to follow as I learn details and prognosis. Peace! HIS PEACE dwell within you!

or as Pink Floyd poised…”IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE?”  

**CAUTION EXPLICIT LANGUAGE**

This story jumps around a bunch like my inner thoughts largely spurred by my wild imagination, dreaming and a recent, blessed reconnection to an important man in my life— my cousin David.

Greetings earthling: Do you ever feel like you’re not of this world? Seriously. 

Often I have felt disassociated from the “normal” here on planet Earth…actually, in truth, I HAVE NEVER felt “normal” at all really. (And from what I see as socially acceptable as “normal” here I’m not sure I’d even want to)

I do not mean by any means identifying as elitist or “better than” at all— actually often quite the opposite: broken, shattered, weird, troubled…certainly DIFFERENT.

Growing up, I was alone a great deal…an “only child” till I was 10. My mother and I were quite close as I was with her in her early college years, my father away on construction sites while working on his degree. I learned to find a lot of fun in my mind and my imagination. I do recall a friend back in Oklahoma City from my very early childhood, Timmy Gavin, but he had MD and died a couple years into our friendship. Thus I learned loss and the fleeting nature of this life— quoting George Carlin “ya know this is gonna end in tragedy!” Hilarious! All in perspective AND FUNNY DAMMIT!

We moved to Baltimore when I was 5ish. I found that I was one of the oldest kids there since my parents had had me so young in their marriage. I had fantastically fun alone times in the gravels of the Reed Hall single resident housing complex just across the tennis courts from our row house in the “compound”— still in plain view of the guardhouses on the corners with officers that packed heat. I constructed massive involved cities and airports in the gravels and had one grand time, me and my Hot Wheels and Corgi aircraft— as well as some BBC Thunderbird spacecraft models I recall. 

I colored a lot and did ceramics and other crafts with my mom, listening to music which was always greatly important in my family but a whole lot of time i was left to entertain myself. I started “Mark’s Babysitting and Car Wash Service, sometime in there and created my own Crayola® business cards— see DIFFERENT from a very young age.

I watched quite a bit of TV, specifically Leave It to Beaver and imagined what it would be like to have a neighborhood to roam in. My Three Sons thinking how cool it would be to have a brother(s). The Partridge Family and The Monkees thinking how awesome it would be to make music. 

My only sense of having a kindred spirit or brother was my cousin David whom I’d see in the summers at my Grandpa Baker’s house in McAlester Oklahoma, my birthplace. Oh how I yearned for time with my Aunt Vivian’s family: cousins Deborah, David and Donna. (Well David…Deborah was kind of a brat to me and Donna seemed a lot younger though wasn’t really). I need to also include my cousins, Viveca, Monique, Laurette and Patrice daughters of my Aunt Barbara and Uncle Vince— but they were girls so while great times, it wasn’t the same as times with David. Plus David and I were the only grandsons so, yes, we got doted upon.

Anyhow, a number of my closest fondest memories of family growing up orient around the backyard at 1303 South Ninth Street in McAlester in either a St. Louis Cardinal baseball or Dallas Cowboy Football uniform David had. We were roughly the same size (No I was chubby). If not out back playing catch or tracking locusts or whatnot, we were out in Grandpa’s boat fishing or eating out in Krebs at the Isle of Capri Italian Restaurant or swimming off the so-called beach at “Old #9” boat launch— where years later I would learn to water ski — probably all with David. 

I remember going to the Oklahoma State Rodeo in the courtyard of the Oklahoma State Prison courtyard a number of times and whether or not it is factual, my memory of great times in the Sooner state seem to always include David.

David had then and still does have an important place in my psyche, life, memories and heart. But you all know, time marches on, we grow older and focused upon our surroundings and tasks and things change— at least the frequency of time together seem to spread out. Life comes flying by us, flashing by like star fields in the aft viewer of our starship.

I did have friends in Baltimore in school. Tyrone was one of my closest. A lean mean, fighting machine Tyrone and I played cops-n-robbers in the schoolyard but living in the compound apart from neighbor schoolmates, when I left  school I was back on my own.

Johns Hopkins hospital being internationally recognized residents were from all over the world: England, France, Israel, Sudan, South Africa, Italy, the Congo. The compound was a block away from the hospital smack dab in the middle of the ghetto for realz…ha ha ha. The inner city was mostly black, or negro or african-african depending upon the year of identification. So? So? So what! People of different origins and colors were what I knew. I sincerely NEVER gave a passing thought to the colors of our skin making one iota of difference in the “who” we were. Cats and dogs were different colors, fish were, leaves were…why would people being different colors make any impression upon me at all? It didn’t. Still doesn’t. 

Jumping ahead in time, in 1972 my long awaited dear brother Andrew Coy was born. By all accounts and my memory, I was an exceptional brother and it seems looking back with all the work my father was putting into his career often even kind of a father figure, pseudo….certainly a much older wiser brother. 

Andy and I despite the difference in years were very close…we’d joke that we were twins born 10 years apart. As it turns out Andy was an incredibly talented pianist— actually ANY stringed instrument of any kind. I was a natural drummer— not as good as Steve Housewright mind you but much more than proficient. My cousin David infused a marriage of both our talents: a keyboardist and drummer. 

David was also a wild and crazy guy and a great mimic as I considered myself to be, both great admirers of Mel Blanc and the like. When our families gathered in later years in the South of Texas in Brownsville or Padre Island at the Isla del Sol (many times at BlackBeard's seafood restaurant) we were often told to put away our swashbuckling personas, or goofy buzzard voices or (as would be apropos so close to the border) Speedy Gonzales chants and return to the table. Did we mind?— Oh hell to the NO!

Crazy attracts crazy and fools of a feather buffoon together…yes, ya done got yourself a barrel-full of monkeys where Andy and David and Mark were without a doubt. Growing up when we did, we were all on the edge of technology. I delving into the world of design and publishing; David and Andy doing interfaces with keyboards and all— we three were certainly cut from the same cloth. (Somehow I think blame or credit lies in great part to the influence of one William Marion Baker, our grandfather!)

In a far too short synopsis, I moved back from NYC and started an advertising agency, Andy graduated law school and became affiliated with Waves, a music software company, David became an actor. David and Andy both ended up in LA and I’d hear of their exploits from one or the other— such great fondness and admiration was shared among us I believe. 

Anyhow, yada yada yada…careers and children and places, Andy and I both ended up divorced and living together in Knoxville. David was blessedly still married and in LA. We’d connected on occasion but the intervals stretched and sagged sadly…nonetheless, love does not diminish with time or distance. 

That chapter and existence of my life began unraveling with my marriage and the beginnings of separation from my boys and then divorce and living with my mother to care for her in her cancer, her death, moving in with Andy, his death, moving in with my father, his death, falling deeper and deeper into oblivion and perhaps running in desperation, I moved to Delray Beach to retire, paint and try and put my life back together. 

Not to diminish or discount this very critical next phase, I fell out of religion but NOT spirituality, which actually grew as in sincere desperation I turned my will to God— I’d done a more than stellar job of fucking up what I tried to personally manhandle and guide.  

I’d even said screw it with finding someone to be with and said to God aloud “If You want me to be with someone for the last part of this venture, You will have to put them in front of me— I’m tired of trying and messing up. If I am to be alone, so be it. Ball’s in your court”— as of course, it always had been but….sign…ya know.

God thankfully answered with Leslie — a whole ‘nutter chapter and verse but I have finally found peace and purpose without the need for substance abuse patching of the broken places…Thank you Father for being so very loving. Amazing indeed. Amazing Grace even. As I grow older, I see and notice God’s hand a great deal leading me on.

Believe it or not…NOW I BEGIN to really tell this present story…HOLY CRAP, right? Sorry, no not really. It helps me to put words on paper and help thin out the trains of thought going on in my head.

David called me out of the blue a few weeks back. It was SOOOOO GOOD to hear his voice and to have all the loving memories and warmth and adventure and fun come roaring back into my front of mind. I just cannot even begin to say how wonderful it was to truly reconnect. (Ah, yes, I see you God yet again…thank you.)

So many times in the past few years, I’ve wanted to (and actually more than once had) picked up the phone to call Andy and ask or say to him….THEN IT HITS ME… in many ways as gut-wrenching as when I’d reach out and touched his cold forearm to awake him 6 years past now to find him…GONE. GONE…sigh…gone.

Conversely David calling was as joyfully impacting as that touch upon Andy’s cold shell had been harrowing— like a hug from my brother or in this case an audio hug from my cousin who has always felt like a brother. Tears creep from my eyes as I write this…in JOY, mind you. 

Oh, this life….such wonder and awe and joy and discovery and LOSS and PAIN but LOVE above all ELSE…LOVE!!!

Once years ago, I had become very very ill, running a persistent 103.8 temp causing my mother to put me into an agonizing ice bath to try and cool my body…I dreamed that night that I was dying and the only image of “heaven” in my head was cartoons playing a harp drifting on a cloud— WHAT THE HELL…that is HEAVEN? Well SHIT! I don’t want that…that’s no heaven to me. And as such the fear crept in. 

Fear of closing my eyes to sleep, worrying that I’d not awake. Fear of further loss that only grows. As we grow older the list of losses ONLY GROWS. Alas.

Years back maybe because of such fear, I chose to change my reading list to works of science, science fiction and what’s considered “Christian fiction” totally; ONLY. In other words, this world and its drama and pain and worry and angst is all too here and now— when I venture into my mind or nether worlds I choose to desire the place they offer. Science fiction by Asimov, Clarke, Mueller, Tolkien and Heinlein. Science by Kaku, Hawking and Sagan. Christian fiction by Peretti, Dekker, Alcorn and Lewis. 

In my readings some thoughts began to coalesce and soon a new vision of what I pray, I fully believe, with all my being to be “heaven” or our new realm began to take shape. I’m not going to argue or debate anything here and intend nothing but the telling of my deepest hope. Regardless— MY mind’s eye view, this possible reality is SOMETHING I CAN YEARN FOR. And so I shall and DO.

If God (call Him what you will “The Devine Being”, an intelligent creator, the cosmos) is a CREATOR as is our own father or mother— then I believe that there is great joy in OUR: discover, awe, wonder, fascination, and yearnings as I have for my sons— actually for all humanity really. If heaven might be an eternity of discovery and awe and learning and wonder in whatever form we may be…oh what a ride we are in for. Can you even imagine? I just barely can and I have a more than vivid imagination.

This sincere hope and prayers for all humanity is the reason I feel I must present a smile TO ANYONE, a kind word, a dollar or two when I can, an arm of assistance, a silent prayer of hope and healing…a simple hug. 

I was born with a servant heart…yes, also a sadly broken addict’s heart that may well have a “savior complex” of sorts  as I was once told…but first and foremost a LOVING SERVANT heart. 

Again that notion of “different”. I am no doubt a broken being…BLESSEDLY, GRACEFULLY, THANKFULLY…for the more broken I am, the greater the amount of LOVE that must fill those crevices to allow me to continue on and go. How grateful am I!

I mean no offense but I’ve seen and lived the present “THIS IS US!” episode and it sucks shit! It is completely and utterly FUCKED! It is present in the road rage, words of hate and racism, the rash of public shootings, the freaking attack on our nation’s capital, terrorism….WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE? WHAT THE FUCK???? SERIOUSLY…HOW CAN THIS BE??? 

Is there really any cause for hope? If there is it only exists in the minds of dreamers or madmen like…maybe ME?

And so I dream…I dive deep into the created worlds of incredible minds of (my choice of) authors, painters, music writers and musicians…into places of seemingly ABSOLUTE FICTION, for reality holds only fleeting interest to me. Places of healing sighs and rest encompassed in the arms of my wife and the call of a cousin and blessed memories of my past. Often in the writings of crazy, imaginative, enthralling minds that present wild fancifully detailed, intricate tales that take me to where I must go.

I’ve always been a bit of a geek I have come to realize, certainly a science fiction fan and dreamer. I’ve recently fallen down the Star Trek Picard hole. I’ve always loved adventures of space and Star Trek. I am so moved by the themes, plots, relationships, stories…AND THE WRITINGS of Picard do not disappoint. WOW wow wow! WOW!!!!!!!!!

Much to my pride and joy I have recently learned that by marriage I am connected in some small part to what I believe to be Star Fleet Royalty in that one of my relatives is responsible for something that is so moving and impacting to me.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MOST WANT??? 

I want to call ANDY and talk with him about that, about the incredible mind of one of our relatives to tell someone “can you believe we know someone who can write like this, dream like this???…more tears…oh how I wish I could call you Andy…

Oh how I absolutely HAVE TO BELIEVE that we continue on after our ceasing to exist here on earth in this realm and that he knows and sees me or hears me YEARNING for his company…pardon me a minute while I collect myself. I miss you Andy. I love you so very much my dear brother

Regarding the great writing in Picard, in one recent episode, one of the characters of color says (paraphrased) of the powers that be…

“It appears they have taken off their hoods, only to put us into them.”

Oh My God…did you catch that? DID YOU HEAR THAT POETRY…THAT TRUTH???

THEY HAVE TAKEN OFF THEIR HOODS…aka Ku Klux Klan hoods, white supremacist trappings, …holy shit. 

ONLY TO PUT US INTO THEM. The hood— the ghettos, the areas of the downtrodden… DAMN, THAT IS RICH, POIGNANT THOUGHT folks. WOW!!!

How unfortunate for us that we choose to see the worst in people and to expect that to be the “NORM” instead of the perverse exception. Oh how sad we get caught up having to keep on schedule as to ignore a fellow traveler on this blessed but fleeting journey, a small gesture or even a warm thought. As an artist, how pitiful we marvel at the magnificent variety of flowers but seperate ourselves by the GOD-GIVEN canvases of our human wrappings…how shallow? How utterly FUCKING PITIFULLY SHALLOW!

Incredible to me the minds that God has given us that are able to question why we are here. That can weave stories that have such interlocking gossamer intricacies that like fine lace weave incredible stories that seem real. Amazing that we are bestowed the ability to love and care for one another— and yet, often CHOOSE to do just the opposite.

Try it people…LOVE ONE ANOTHER— if even selfishly! Fine, don’t do it for them. DO IT FOR YOU! You’ll be surprised!

You know it is only in having such dreams that someone can envision a thing sufficiently for another to analyze and perhaps make real that which is only fantasy today. 

If one insists in believing that miracles DO NOT EXIST…then you will miss that we in fact are LIVING IN ONE TODAY. Oh, it is not perfect but it is real and it is a miracle…one that we can mold and shape and make better. 

IF ONLY WE WOULD…LOVE ONE ANOTHER! WELCOME TO THE MIRACLE. Glad you’re here. Enjoy.

Now carry on and LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

Freeman. out.

(intermission ???) The house lights blink on and off and on and off signaling the show continuing.

OH NO NO NO!  You are not even done here man…MATTER OF FACT, YOU’VE REALLY ONLY BARELY BEGUN.

You’ve not drawn together how this all weaves together, not pulled in how Picard and sci-fi and dreaming really meld into this. How completely insane all this is…

So if you desire, come on along further down the swirling abyss that is my mind— my reality?? Hum.

Okay, my mind jumps around a bit. I’ve said before that at any given time I feel like I’ve got 17 trains roaring ahead on different tracks going God knows where…I’ve asked people before what they were thinking and they’ve said “nothing really” and I’ve thought…”Oh my God, I can’t imagine how that feels.” 

Busy busy crazy crazy happy happy joy joy. 

Yes, Rin and Stimpy with a dash of Beam Me Up and a smidgen of Wait for It, Wait for It mixed with some “Oh SHIT!” and lots and lots of Oh WOW and ARMS UP….Weeeeeeee! 

Welcome further into my world; a nightmare?— nah, adventure land of an odyssey of a daydream.

Is our reality merely a projection within our brains, odd tendrils and neurons mixing together feeling “real” like quarks or bosons ONLY existing when they are noticed — otherwise pure conjecture or imagination? 

At times I find myself looking for the cameras like on The Truman show— my life merely a story captured in full, vivid technicolor WHATTHEHELLICHROME HD in my tiny tiny human brain.

Leslie and I will be shooting the breeze, talking and something from my past will cross my mind and I’ll ask Leslie if she knows what the Fibonacci sequence is. Not exactly common place everyday chatter, right? But then strangely an answer on the evening’s Jeopardy will be “What is The Fibonacci sequence, Alex?” 

I hadn’t thought of the Fibonacci sequence in many years, way back talking with my brother and father. For certain, I had not heard it mentioned at all recently. Again, not exactly a “Did you see that game?” common topic. 

Why did it cross my mind? Who knows and then have it mentioned AGAIN the same day, an answer to a Jeopardy question. Makes me pause and say….”Whaaaaaaat?” and look all around. You have got to be kidding me. Okay, where are the damn cameras…right?

Times like now I find myself spinning, swirling mentally, changing bodies or at least point of view and start to assess my thoughts or writing from another’s angle and think…

”Wow, full of yourself, aren’t you? Thinking this existence is “The FREEMAN Show”? How narcissistic of you. And on and on you drone about loving one another and expounding upon your continual encouragement to project Love. Holy fucking shit…will you just shut UP!!! No one cares about your thoughts. No one cares about anyone or anything else but themselves and sure as hell doesn’t give a damn about what you think! Get it man? People quit reading this tripe many many paragraphs ago. SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

Well….No, I won’t shut up any more than I will cease dreaming and hoping. For me to think is to dream is to fly is to live is to love. Really, life spent stupidly dreaming? Whatever. What possible difference could a smile make? Stories are just stories, marking time till we CEASE existing— how foolish that you EVEN begin to think there is anything more than what is here now— IF IT IS?

Sorry to draw the curtain open on you but…(fanfare) tah dah! It surely IS what it IS. And what it is is remarkable!

The young neighbor next door knows that I’m an artist and for whatever reason kids and animals I find are drawn to me. I’d like to think it is because they are unburdened by baggage and can see through the clutter and sense that I’m a kind soul, mean no harm and seek to magnify and love others.

Lauren had painted a rock and one evening came knocking on our door and handed it to me saying “Mr. Mark, I painted this and want you to have it.” I of course said thank you and smiled at her, noting her mom behind her at the edge of our walk. (April, the mom, came back over after Lauren had gone inside and told me that she did that rock in school and when she got in the car at pick-up time showed her mom and said “I’m gonna give this to Mr. Mark.” April said, it’s not for me and she stated matter of factly, “Nope it’s for Mr. Mark.”) Why? I have no idea except that perhaps she had glanced in our townhouse once and overheard her mom and I talking and knew I was an artist.

Unbridled love gifted from a child in the form of a painted rock presented with a smile…SPLASH!…ripples.

We’ve formed a connection and the neighbor families have drawn together partly because of a simple act of a child.

You see our lives are unavoidably intertwined. All of our lives whether we see it or not. I believe no one crosses our path or comes into our lives without reason— no matter how small. Ripples. The cosmic butterfly affect. (which by the way really needs to be renamed and called a “FLUTTER BY”…isn’t that painfully obvious? I mean DUH! — sigh…different story all together— ALL ABOARD #42 leaving on track 11— “Hey, wanna ride bikes?”)

Happy happy joy joy! Crazy weird wonderous things happen over and over in my life showing me how truly interconnected all things are…you may think I’m full of shit and making things up but I am truthful and find just as much “hard to believe” as you may in things I relate. Doesn’t make it not so or any less truthful and real. STRANGE.

As I was going to Publix Pharmacy today I looked up at a stop light and noted a David’s Produce delivery vehicle beside me. So? I then noted in front of me a hideous Coachman camper vehicle called a Leprechaun directly in front of me. So? 

Well, I noted earlier my reconnecting with my cousin…DAVID. David, the actor. When David started out in LA he was chosen for the cast of the movie “Leprechaun”…really? Yes. Granted he has done many other roles but one of the first in my recollection was that movie. Yada yada yada man…you’re just looking for things that line up because of you speaking with David recently. Perhaps. (visioning Bugs scratching his chin…”Mmmm, could be.”)

Walking into Publix, on the loudspeaker in the store was playing Alice Cooper’s Welcome to my Nightmare. Who in the hell has Welcome to my Nightmare on their MUZAK reel?? ANYWAY…So? So, I remembered from the past David really liked Alice Cooper and the first time I heard that song was with David. The hell you say. Absolute truth. What the fuck? Yeah, see…strangeness in wild abundance, eh? (Abba-dee abba-dee that’s all folks! Daaaaamn)

Ripples. Interconnectedness. Causality…Purposeful interruptions and inclusions in our lives— Leslie calls them “God winks”. That’s a good one my love. You know, I’m really fond of my God-sent angel. God-winks they are!

Without a doubt being present and aware…as Jimmy Buffett would saying “Being in the Now” makes a huge difference and heightens our receptors to things and occurrences but seriously… what are the freaking chances of all that occurring then and there?? 

An aside— you may notice I have great proclivity for tangents…I took 8 quarters of college Calculus, quantitative and qualitative analysis, differential equations…yes, graduated with a degree in art though. However I never really liked “Probability” class for whatever reason so my answer to “What are the chances?” is “I do not give a darn”..doesn’t matter…it happened. I noticed. Case closed and YES, WHAT THE FUCK?? Call the guys in the white coats with the straight-jacket…HE’S GONNA POP! smirk

My favorite color is Purple. From a color-theory point-of-view it represents passion, celebration, energy and royalty and is vivid and interruptive…So, in Matrix-esse I did not take either the red or the blue pill, I took the combination. THE PURPLE PILL. (e.g. red + blue = purple) Follow the white rabbit, Neo.

NOW WAIT JUST A DARN MINUTE…You seem to believe Reality and Fiction both exist simultaneously? Which is which? What’s up with that? I mean, I saw the movies and yes, at times I do find that an occasional pinch to check where I am is beneficial…where am I now? And where is THIS in terms of the huuuuuuge expansive universe? It all seems too hard to even begin to comprehend. (“Third floor: housewares in back and women’s apparel and shoes…watch the closing door please”)

An aside on an interjection on a tangent on a whim…Ted Dekker’s Circle trilogy Black, White and Red are incredible and very highly recommended reads from me. They too deal with the reality/dreamworld, here or there?, reality?Which reality? kind of space-time switching about. They will cause you to wake up and wonder…am I here or am I there?? Give them a read. You’ll be influenced more than you can imagine and as I’ve quoted before “A mind changed by a new idea can never return to its previous shape.” I dare you. I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU!

Okay okay for those of you who have dared continue with me— even if as Leslie says “I get about 85% of you maybe”— let me try and wrap all this up into some point. Wish me luck. I’m thinking I need it.

As a child I so vividly recall lying on my back looking up at the stars pondering who was up there looking out at me. I didn’t ponder the scientific or religious notions of “could there be?’ or “what impact would that have on humanity’s grip on 'reality'”…I just wondered who?

I didn’t think “what color are they?” I didn’t fear their threat-potential to my living. I didn’t consider the vast distances that would have to be traversed or the speed of light or an event horizon or quantum entanglement or dark matter…I didn’t consider ‘Let me catch a good buzz and get way stoned to heighten the effect”. I didn’t consider anything of this flesh vessel I was in…I just dreamed ‘I WONDER WHO?” 

Oh how simple and pure and wonderful the wanderings of a child without all our worldly baggage. The need to be able to prove that something could exist within the parameters of our knowledge of physics or to measure it against the societal regards of acceptability or legality or social norms…against our LEARNED RESTRICTIONS AND FEARS!

I suppose that is why I find such solace and peace in dreaming and in sci-fi. Well-told, well-woven adventures to wherever possible or not, to seek out and be awed by, to be dumbstruck with sheer fascination. Wow! 

Sci-fi combines so many of the principles I hold dear…acceptance without pause to visual wrappings, discovery and joyful learning of differences to magnify not to separate. I find it impossibly incredible that tiny minuscule things and occurrences align to give seasoning and flavor and personal experience to our journey here— this short strange ride we are all on. Come on…this can’t be real. Again, tell me…WHAT IS REAL?

Is this a broken existence? Yes, most surely it is. We make it so I’m afraid. 

What little control we do have here is OUR OWN ACTIONS…Change your channel. Dare you do so? After all the pain we know now IS PAIN WE KNOW. What if something different is worse? What if it is unimaginably better, huh?

Well you do what you will but I sure wish you'd Take the time and intent to magnify one another. If in some way I encouraged Lauren to create, to paint and gift and love, oh what great purpose and success my being will have been. I am thrilled to know that someone I know, and am related to even if only by marriage has a part and spark in creating fanciful stories of space and time and what could be. Such great admiration I have for her mind and the creator who has blessed us with such brains. 

I pray we together seek good— we attract what we radiate. Reach out to others. Is there a worse feeling than being alone? My hell personally would be for God to grant me my will and allow me to control my being, my universe— and I fear that might be a cosmos of ONLY me, with the only sounds being my screaming in anguish of being alone. 

I challenge you: Dare to spend the most precious commodity we have— our TIME— giving respect and kindness to another. 

If what crosses your mind, even a millisecond, is “What’s in that for me?” Oh, what surprises await.

See that “No Swimming!” sign. Screw it. Cannonball time I say! 

Stay in the lines…FUCK THAT. What lines?

Make ripples people….make a splash, do the unexpected…CARE. 

Go out of your way to make some impact…real IMPACT. I DARE YOU.

Are you ready folks? Let’s Roll. To Infinity and Beyond! and of course… MAKE IT SO! ENGAGE!

Remember— the darkness DOES NOT consume the light, IT DEFINES IT! 

Thank you for your time.

The title of course is an outcome of Einstein’s Theory of General Relativity— one of many things with which he impacted our existence.

What legacy will I leave behind? Will I leave behind anything? DO I EVEN MATTER?

(Well, one thing is a certainty— I am leaving behind pages and pages of my thoughts and those with a couple of dollars might just buy you something??  Here is another addition to my mental ramblings.)

I believe we all yearn to make a difference— to do something that causes people to remember that we existed. I think we hope that somehow in some way the world is a “better place” because we came along.

Maybe to have said some memorable words that resonate throughout history like “I have a dream” or “that’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”. 

OR to be know for some great act of heroism in my final moments like Todd Beamer and others did on Flight 93, the hijacked plane that crashed in Pennsylvania on September 11, 2001.

I think we all want to make a difference or hope that we matter. 

I know I’d like for my art to live long after I’m gone, to continue to impact someone’s life. Hey it would tickle me for some art history major to HAVE TO learn my name and memorize a few works of mine (chuckle).

Sincerely I do feel that it is a great honor for someone to relate to one of my works and allow me to have the opportunity (through my art) to have a part in their life.

To garner everlasting notoriety is not why I paint but it would be nice if I did leave a “mark” on the artwork. (ha ha, see what I did there!?)

I recall vividly once lying in bed at the close of the day (feeling sorry for myself) and thinking “no one is going to remember me— 50 years from now. Not a soul will even know I ever existed. I will have done or left nothing monumental behind like a revered masterpiece of art to spark that memory.”

Truly at that moment I heard a voice (I’m sure it was in my mind but it resonated like it was literally audible)…

“You’ve got it all wrong. It is NOT: “by your existence will they remember YOU”. It is: BY YOUR EXISTENCE WILL THEY REMEMBER ME!”

I sat straight up in bed and looked at my wife beside me to see if there was a body between us, I swear the statement was clear and plainly stated.

He continued: “If what you seek is immortality— BRING THEM WITH YOU.”

I know Whom I thought was speaking to me-- regardless, it was surely food for thought and introspection for me.

I think a lot. At any given time I feel like I have 17 trains of thought going...busy busy mind. That is one thing that Einstein and I have in common. He to ran scenarios over and over in his head doing "mind games". He spent a lot of time day dreaming-- so do I. It keeps the days interesting to be sure.

Obtuse things run through my head often. Like advertising concepts when I'm in the shower or artistic creative solutions when walking to the mailbox. As such, I have no idea from whence the following came or what its possible impetus was for entering my mind but here it is: 

There are four poignant and deeply meaningful questions in this life— which lead to the answer to many others.

What is truly sacred?

Of what is our Spirit made?

What is worth living for?

What is worth dying for?

To my mind the answer to all those is one simple word “LOVE”.

The more science deepens in its understanding of “reality” the more I feel is kind of intangible and frankly beyond our current ability to fathom nor truly comprehend — but that doesn’t stop me from embracing the unknown and being thrilled with discovery.

You might say “Love is not a tangible substance”. If that is your thinking, fine. I disagree. You may say “our soul is only a hypothetical and not a real identifiable thing, certainly not a physical entity”. Fine again but again I think otherwise. No, I have no proof at all just a feeling, an inkling, that this realm is much much stranger than we can even imagine.

As I have stated in past posts, scientists believe that we only “see” 6+ percent of what is this reality. If that is so, can you really be certain that love is NOT a tangible and that the soul is only a human mental construct. 

The older I get the more I find fascination in “what could be”— even if only in Markie World, my personal amusement park/adventure land in my day dreaming brain. (I know many of you are thinking "wow, he never really came 'down' from getting high in his youth.")

For thousands of years man did not know of atoms and the we are made of billions and billions of microscopic elements joined together to form us and everything around us. What if “love” is a quantifiable thing like subatomic particles that we have yet to discover? What if God is a being of love and therefore we, made in the image of our creator, are beings made of love. 

When we die in this life-- is that it? Or does our soul live on in another dimension? Do we simply leave here to our next existence? I find it hard to believe that all our life experiences and knowledge gained would just disappear and evaporate at our ceasing to exist in this realm— would it not be logical that all that data would be compiled and used by “the cosmos” in its evolution.

I think that our creator, like a parent, is delighted by our awe and fascination and if I as suspect, this realm and this part of our journey is just a part of the ride, I look forward to our next adventure and the potential for continued exploration into the unknown— man oh man, what a ride this is, eh!?

My point in all this minutiae is that we do not know what is or what will be. We do not “know” why we are here really. But one thing I do know is that y0u matter— your being is purposeful and intended and without you this universe would not be complete. We do matter. We may not know now or ever recognize how but I feel certain that we are an essential part of this existence.

I’m glad we are on this journey together. 

Hands up high…Weeeeee!

Back when I had my advertising agency, Studio M, I used to create WILDLY itemized and laborious lists for myself and staff. Granted those lists were likely completely irrelevant by 10:30 am or “when the first complication to the day occurred.” 

I was absolute that the agency was going to be a success. I worked 18-20 hour days....every day for a couple of decades. (when someone would say to me they put in 60 hours last week at their job, I'd quip "oh, only working half-days huh?")

Back in the “old days” before all the digitalization of publishing, design and printing, one had to send off text to a typesetter. You’d get back the text the font specified in the proper line width at the right size accurately leaded and kerned (that in the spacing between sentences, and the spacing between letters in the typeset respectively). 

At least that was “the plan.” The type would be come back on photographic paper which the artist would cut-up and paste onto a mechanical board (after running the type block through a waxer to coat the paper with an adherent that would cause it to stick to the board and to more. Then create overlays with ruby lithe areas designated for the plate-maker to add the tint or the photograph into. Then the translucent tissue overlay with written instructions on it and color roughed out atop the actual typesetting, photostat or what have you that actually was what was used to create the film for the printing plate to be created.

And of course, one was always pushing deadlines and cramming additional projects in– so for instance, my plan was to stay up late (many times literally overnight) to create the mechanicals for that 8-page brochure…AGAIN: Guess what? 

You get a call at 5:30 from the typehouse that the power was out for some reason or their imagining machine had broken down and a service-tech couldn’t come fix it before tomorrow. With heartfelt apologies and angst, they would be unable to get the typesetting to you at the originally specified time.

BUT THAT CAN’T BE HAPPENING!! You have to have the mechanicals completed and to the printer at 10 am for them to be able to fulfill your order for 10,000 of the full-color piece in the agreed-upon timeframe. IT JUST CAN’T BE! But it without too much rarity frankly was frequently the case. SO…that To-Do list for the evening and tomorrow was “shot to Hell” before the end of the day even.

The advertising/marketing world is like that. Deadline driven without much room for error– if you miss the deadline to get an ad into the newspaper or the mechanicals to the printer…guess what? NO ONE at the newspaper or printer cares one iota that you didn’t get your ad, insert, project camera-ready on time and get it delivered to them— NO ONE. 

Of course it matters ridiculously to the client that the j0b was done— correctly and ON TIME. They may have an event or a sale that depended entirely upon getting that information in the hands and minds of their audience. Sincerely, their business surviving may well depend upon this initiative. Subsequently if matters a great deal to the agency. Your continued relationship may rest firmly in the fact that you fulfilled the agency’s promise to that client. 

As crazy as it seems, the problem-solving and making the “impossible” happen was of the thrilling joys of having that business. The passion, quick-thinking and resourcefulness to come-up with incredible solutions to the situation was an attribute shared by all of us at the agency – and frankly WE WERE DAMN GOOD AT IT!  

Blessedly were all young(ish) and with bellies full of coffee we burned the midnight oil like we were superhuman and tireless. Yes, inevitably we DID HAVE SET-BACKS and failures but not often. I have always believed it is how one responds to problems and failures that defines the “who” you really are. 

So like the kitty in the poster “Hang in there” hanging on for dear-life…I proclaimed that: In adversity  lies opportunity! So poignant because IT IS TRUE.

Anyhow, my point to all this is that at one-time (for 25+ years), I set unachievable goals and expectations and virtually NEVER ended the day with a completed To-Do List. I measured my successfulness errantly and my personal joy was tied to that gauge and wained like the tide.

That was it seems eons ago— before I got old, waaaay back when I had oodles of energy, much naturally and the remainder fueled by caffeine. Back when it seemed fun to burn your candle at both ends. 

One day walking up the stairs with 20+ cups of coffee in my body, my heart palpitated and that should have served as a warning. It didn't. Running myself and subsequently my marriage (and countless other things) into the ground finally did-- sad but true.

_______________

I have grown wiser since. I now realize that “Sleep is good”. It is refreshing and revitalizing…I used to view it as a waste of time but a necessary evil. For 25 years I existed off typically 4 hours of sleep a day interspersed with 48 hour periods when I pulled all-nighters to meet deadlines. (Yes, I once actually fell asleep at a lunch with a client and dozed off dipping my head into my salad…holy crap).

Today my To-Do List is consistent and achievable…it is very short but oh so fulfilling, Yes, old dog meet new tricks.

It is simply:

• Be present in the NOW, be fully engaged and appreciative.

• Be grateful for everything I have –radiate that gratitude along with joy without fail.

• Wear a smile and recognize the encouragement that it is to others.

• Make a memory. (Big or small matters not and making that memory is being in the NOW.)

I gleefully complete my “To Do’s” daily…with incredible satisfaction. I do find myself at times feeling like I’ve been “lazy” all day and didn’t get anything "important" done— and then I slap myself (metaphorically) and pat myself on the back recognizing that I got many many life sustaining critical things done.

Paraphrasing a Mark Twain story— I think— young Samuel was amazed at how stupid his father and his ideas were but when he’d gotten older he found himself even more amazed at how much the old man had learned. Yes, it turns out that his father was wise all along and what had changed was Samuel’s point of view. Thank goodness for wisdom born of years of living.

I’ve heard it said often that at the end of our lives no one wishes they had more time to complete this project or that— what they wish for was more time to spend with loved ones.

I pray for you that you get accomplished today what you set out to do… but moreover, I pray today that you completed that which was TRULY essential… and loving and fulfilling.

NOW...Go hug someone for no reason at all except to tell them “it was a critical item on my “to do” list for the day.

A lyric from a 311 song*...How strange we should be here at all! INDEED!

Isn't it incredible that we REALIZE that we exist…let alone the sheer fact that WE ARE here at all!!!

Think of all that had to occur for you to be here— the least of which is that the elements that make up the atoms of you had to align to become you. The same atoms that were once stardust and had other existences previously…part of you was possibly a smidgen of a dinosaur or a wisp of Julius Caesar’s breath.

Oh holy crap…here he goes on some Douglas Adams-esque story about some "grand revelation" he has had. 

 Oh, GOOD! You are familiar with me and are here voluntarily, no coercion involved (that you know of- Muh-wah-ha-ha!) and that you are under no obligation, right?  O yes   O no*

(Counsel insisted that I clearly state as such from the start to avoid any eventual class-action suit that I've screwed with your brain.)

Now where was I...

I recall clearly many many years ago looking into the mirror and staring into my own eyes and saying to myself -- even possibly out loud to myself-- “Oh man, this is YOU...YOU, right now. You looking at you in the mirror realizing that this moment is occurring and it is REALLY HAPPENING! Oh my God....far out...." 

I have to concede that that visual recollection is a bit blurry in my mind’s eye so I’m guessing I was altered in some way. Who knows where my mental adventure went from there-- apparently I lived through it...for, here I am now.

I too recall looking over at Leslie sleeping beside me and thinking “How incredible that this woman, this creation, chooses to love me." Me! with all my idiosyncrasies and weirdness

I am recounting random thoughts for the purpose of making an observation and prayerfully a real point-- yes yes yes, NOT a "given" when you are dealing with MY MIND in particular. 

Hey, I am grateful to have the wherewithall to be able to recall these moments...that I did not totally screw up my brain in my youth no matter how hard I tried. Yeah I know that's a matter of personal perception.

MY POINT IS THAT…

 "A mind, stretched by a new idea never goes back to its original dimension." paraphrasing Oliver Wendall Holmes. That statement is pure genius in my opinion and so very very true. 

Think of all the minutia of things that had to occur for you to come into existence, for instance it took a star dying to explode and scatter the elements and atoms of its previousness for those to coalesce to form the matter that is you — what are the chances or the odds of those subtle happenings well, happening. Correct me if I’m wrong but I think the odds are 100%. You are here now reading this so….CONGRATULATIONS! You made it! Happy happy! Joy joy!

Happiness isn't a destination you know, it's a realization that things couldn't possibly get any better than having the freedom to perceive as you please and to think as you choose, in a magical, adoring Universe.

So strange to me to look out at space and recognize that we are viewing the past– a huge compendium of history— even the light of the sun shining upon us is 8 minutes old, remember. Then to take into account, according to current scientific theory, that all we DON'T see is actually 93% of what really “is.” According to them all we can see is only 6+ percent of matter...there's dark energy and dark matter, yada yada yada. So so very much we don’t know…so much.

I really find it astounding and quite fascinating to recognize “being.” Likewise to acknowledge that the universe was not compelled to create you, you don’t “deserve” it…it is simply a cosmic heavenly gift. 

My grandfather used to tell me “Marion, the past is PAST, you cannot change it no matter what you do. Tomorrow is the future and NOT promised in any way to any of us. 

TODAY is THE PRESENT…A GIFT. Embrace it fully and enjoy each and every moment of this grand, unique celebration.”

Accept and try to appreciate the nuances of the moment– particularly the things that make no sense to our brains. We only know 6-7% of what is “real. And, sigh....all the cosmic “laws” or givens, OMG. “Breathe in, breathe out, move on” as Jimmy Buffett says. You didn't have to learn how to make gravity work, did you? You just had to learn to deal with it.

Same for "thoughts becoming things." Dream great things– heck, dream small things….just dream! Radiate the fascination of the now and the just now coming into play. We really have no choice. Might as well be a glimmer of positive (happy, loving) energy since we HAVE that choice in the now.

I hope you are having a “good day.” I pray for you all the wonder, awe and discovery this day will bring.

*BTW the chorus from that 311 song is "If you don't have someone to do it with it's not worth doing." Profound me thinks :-)

The Search: Recovering

by Marion G. Freeman

I strolled through this life, seeking fun and love and being thrilled at making memories and the fascination of new discovery— no matter what form it might take.

 _________________________________________

Addiction drifted over the grass, through the dark leaves of the trees, rode the wind…as it has for centuries, haunting.

It was searching for souls to feed upon-- it cared not “who” you were...male or female, rich or poor, educated or not, timid or confident, downtrodden or well-to-do, white or black-- it was and has always been an equal opportunity devourer.

It is a present (and oh so patient) darkness perched in wait.

  _________________________________________

Suddenly an abrupt, deep rumble intruded on my being.

“I have been here a long time,” Addiction said to me. “And I am still here. What are YOU doing here?”

Pondering deeply, I had no answer.

“Surely you know I OWN YOU,” it said, “You cannot possibly think you have the slightest right to ANY of the grace and beauty of this world. How preposterous you even think that you should.”

“Who is it that you seek? HOW DARE YOU look for another but me.”

“Who do you think you are?”

In truth I did not know myself even, so again I had no answer.

I thought I was many things:

an artist (“thief!” echoed in my head);

a musician (“imposter”);

a creative (“you are nothing but a destroyer!”);

a DECENT guy (“ADDICT, ADDICT, ADDICT!”).

Which of these were projections of my true self; which were merely masks?

I have only glimpses of an answer.

AND SO…I search.

(written roughly in November 2011, attending a recovery treatment facility) 

FIRST-- Everything I really like...I throw myself into FULLY. AND I MEAN FULLY!

It is part of my compulsive being...It is also the makings of an addict. Quite truthfully I am an addict for ice cream, music. drumming, singing, loving, smiling...and unfortunately I'm adventurous which means I have experimented with lots of dangerous things: water skiing, snow skiing, repelling, caving, jumping off tall things into water-- and alas MIND ALTERING things.

It is said that the same part of the brain that leads some to bungee jump is the same part that led me to try marijuana...and a pill or two...and LSD...and cocaine.

I am an addict-- I will DIE an ADDICT. BUT I will NOT DIE a practicing one. Many in "rooms" I've heard say "I am a RECOVERED addict." In all sincerity I do not believe that is the case. I live the rest of my life as a RECOVERING addict. It only takes one wrong turn, one overly confident "I've beaten this" foolish decision to be "off the wagon." It is simply on day at a time...every day from here on out.

A clarification, I use the word "addict" as a catch-all for ANYTHING that consumes your mind...if you are an alcoholic-- to me you are an addict to alcohol. Frankly if you are unable to live without working out, cheating on your spouse, lying, watching porn, abusing your loved one....in my opinion you are an ADDICT. You may not be a DRUG addict but you are an addict.

The following is just thoughts I have on addiction for those who might need it-- whether you are the addict or a family member of an addict...give this some thought if you so desire.

Some words on addiction:

I've had 3 different friends reach out to me this weekend...just needed to talk. Each is struggling with addiction...particularly with alcohol but the "substance" is really irrelevant.

I retell my revelation in hopes that it gives someone a lens on the struggle...

When we flipped that switch that birthed our addiction...it was a cavalier thing. A happenstance...just having fun...getting “crazy”.

Sadly for those of us who have fought this battle-- it came without warning or the realization that turning that switch off would be a lifelong struggle.

You see the switch "off" is at the top of the highest peak we have ever encountered-- the climb exceptionally hard...and we must start this venture often at the lowest points in our self-esteem and well-being.

To arm ourselves for this challenge, we have attended meetings and sought professional intervention-- some of the tools necessary for the task. While beneficial, they are also very heavy and we add to those burdens our own self-loathing and feelings of hopelessness... making even the start very difficult!

We start and slip and fall back-- further unleashing our own doubts and anger toward ourselves-- FIRST OFF....STOP beating yourself up.

Realize that the bumps in our journey are the footholds we are able to cling to to stop the slide back into despair...cut yourself some slack.

Gratefully recognize it is just THOSE BUMPS upon which we climb.

This task we set upon is perhaps the most difficult challenge we may ever face.

Dust yourself off and begin again. (And again and again AND AGAIN)

Wrap your tools tightly to you-- remember to USE THEM, bring some friends along to help you stand strong...the journey up is so very very hard! You will need the help!

Ask for help without fear of judgement-- those who judge have never walked in our shoes. Do not look for sympathy there...it serves no purpose to our goal...our baggage is heavy enough as it is.

Know that THERE IS A BETTER LIFE AHEAD and it is worth striving for.

You WILL NOT achieve the goal tomorrow...you can only walk toward it. That’s why the adage in "the rooms" is ONE DAY AT A TIME. All you can do in the NEXT RIGHT THING...FOR TODAY.

By stringing together day after day of JUST FOR TODAYS you can distance yourself from the bottom...and perhaps you can be one of the fortunate ones who can look back at the valley we once existed in from a perspective that allows you to see how much better things have become.

Many of our fellows did not get this chance...you do. Be grateful!

Count your blessings… Stand up firm and walk on. Be proud of your progress...knowing that many hold you fast in our prayers.

You are not today what you will be...but you are on that road! Godspeed!

You are not alone. Seek that higher power stronger than the former power you once let take control...it exists.

YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN! Believe! Make it so.

Our lives are seasoned by tidbits of wisdom blessedly given from elders--particularly from family members.

Sometimes these are annoyingly acknowledged by youths wanting to rush out the door to the next adventure; sometimes met with vacant stares from minds not yet savvy enough to catch the depth of that morsel.

Regardless of how they are accepted, these offerings are planted in our minds and eventually (prayerfully) their profoundness hits us and we STOP and remember the moment...and that "Ohhhhhh! I get it now" look blossoms across our face.

My wife's mother entered the next phase of her life this past week and the "Wannie-isms" abound-- they always have but more so this past week. My most cherished is when faced with a challenge "Do the hard thing first." Thank you Momma.

In my life I'e had passed to me: Find something you LOVE to do and someone willing to pay you for it and you'll never WORK a day in your life. I've lived that.

When dealing with the rumor mill: Believe NONE of what you hear and only HALF of what you see. No doubt.

On necessity of honesty: It takes a thousand truths to make up for a single lie. Whew...heavy.

The one that perhaps resonated the most profoundly is "If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all!"

So simple yet poignant. Ron White said it like this "Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut!" 

Throughout my life, I've loved to people-watch. You can tell so much about someone when you observe them in candor-- funny but also kind of sad at times.

This life is so short, the last 10 minutes is gone...it is life and time you don't get back. Why waste it on anything other than love or joy.

It is all too easy to get caught up in the "keeping up with the Jones" or 'Life is not fair".  Carpe diem-- Seize the day...live the now, LOVE the NOW. Tomorrow is not promised. It is a gift-- that is why it is called "The Present".

I've always encouraged my sons to leave a meeting with a friend with them feeling like "Wow, that was enjoyable!" or "I feel good about myself" or "That was time I really enjoyed". It is simply a matter of effort...make that effort!

My grandfather always reminded me that life is GOOD and when I showed signs of feeling sorry for myself for one reason or another...he quipped "I cried because I had no shoes-- TILL I met a man who had no feet".

Live Happy Happy Joy Joy....carry on.

A Blog? Why would anyone read my blog? Or ANY BLOG?

For my purposes, I fill my life with ONLY positive vibes and energy. I'm sorry but I'm old enough to have tired from all the political ranglings that seem to dominate social media. And simply strife in general really.

I believe that one attracts what they radiate...therefore you will see a smile on my face most always. I feel it is my duty to put forth a joyous energy-- that's why I paint and draw, why I love to execute communication design (more commonly pooled into the term "graphic design"), it is why I love music and play a few instruments...it is most assuredly why I sing and hum and whistle ALL THE TIME.

So...why read this post? I will vow NOT to dabble in drama nor controversy. If I am to do this it must be fun or I'M NOT DOING IT!

My father once said to me that he was amazed by my artistry stating that he didn't have an artistic bone in his body. I looked at him quizically and said "Dad, you open people's bodies up and put in a transplant kidney, suture them up leaving only a tiny mark and THEY LIVE! I'm thinking that is artistry at its height!" He of course had to agree.

My wife, Leslie, always says when I say she too is an artist "well, I'm a writer, editor and publicist"...excuse me but if a picture paints a thousand words, the converse is true words paint a thousand pictures...you ARTIST you!

If you came here for great tidbits of wisdom...that may happen. If you give a monkey a typewriter, eventually he WILL spell a word.

If you came here for fun and a creative's ramblings about something (ANYthing) from his mind...DING DING DING...you win.

I'll endeavor to be enjoyable and happy and provide occasional insights I've had. 

And sometimes I'll enthrall you with my "grand" view of the arts...but keep in mind...

MY YOGURT HAS CULTURE TOO! Adieu!

title swiped from e bryant